Do Not Delaying Marriage-Allow Them To Get Marry



This is the way of Shaythan. The way of Shaythan in a society is, you make the haram easy and you make the halal difficult. That is the door to the unhealthy, the filthy, the impermissible is wide open. 


When a young man comes to his parents and says: “I think I need to get married, I know I'm only in my third year of college” 


But he doesn't say: ‘Dad my hormones are driving me crazy, the girls on campus, this one girl keeps texting me out.’ 


He's not going to talk like this to his Dad or his Mom. He's just going to say to mom ‘I think I need to get married’. He's going to code it in a nice way. Then what do parents do? They humiliate this young man. 


‘Oh can't hold it in huh? can't control yourself’? 


We've done as parents oftentimes oppress and suppress what naturally Allah [SWT] puts inside of us especially in a time when the haram is wide open. Then you have to go out of your way to make the halal easy. You're trying to pretend that the world is still what it was, it's not. The world has changed. 


Which comes to the next point when some proposal comes your way you have daughters. If you have daughters and some proposal comes. She's of age, it's a good match, you like him. But, It's okay to ask; 


‘Do you like him’? 


It's not it's not haram to ask. It's actually an important thing to ask. Do you like him? 


She says: “I don't like, I'm not attracted to him”.


Done! You can't force them anymore.

 

Then you say: “That will come, Allah will put it in your heart.” 


No, he won't. That's not how it works. If she says: I don't like him, he's too fat, he's too short, he's ugly, I don't like his personality. Whatever she says. She doesn't even have to give you a reason. She could just say “NO”. That's it. 


When you force a woman to get married to someone who she doesn't want to marry. When you put emotional pressure on her and say; ‘If you don't marry him nobody's going to marry you. Your family is going to be humiliated. We've already printed the cards.’ etc. 


When you do this kind of thing to your girls and you get them married. Then emotionally they're not in that marriage. They're still human beings. A human being still needs companionship. A human being still wants somebody who they can be attracted to, they can find comfort in. That desire does not go away. That desire will now be fulfilled by fantasy, by them thinking about things, by late nights going on social media, by other things. You force them into rebelling against Allah [SWT], because you forced them into a marriage they didn't want to begin with. Don't push this on your daughters. 


But coming back this is about men and about women. The young men of our community actually have to now stand up for themselves. Have to say I'm ready to get married. I have somebody in mind. Then what do you do?  You want a marriage that lasts forever, like we want our boy to have the perfect girl, good luck with that by the way. 


We're all human beings. Human beings have flaws. Sometimes things work and sometimes things don't work. But when a young man and a young woman are old enough to get married. That actually means they're old enough to make their own choice. Maybe you don't like their choice. You advise them and say ‘I don't think this is a good choice. I think that you could do better’.


Maybe you think, this is a mistake. What if your son is 25 years old, your daughter is 30 years old. She wants to make a mistake. That halal mistake is way better. That's still better than you refusing. 


When people come and say: I want to marry this girl, the father says ‘No. You're not from the same country, you're not from the same culture or whatever, you can't get married to my daughter or the other way around. But these two are still already emotionally attached. So they're texting each other, talking to each other, hanging out with each other, having dinner with each other. 


Parents don't know, 5-6 years go by they're refusing other proposals. Then the girl is forced to marry somebody else and she's still talking to the guy. All of this was evil, that whoever she married didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve this. But all of that evil was created by the stubbornness of parents who didn't realize that their children live in a different time. 


Where allowing marriage first is a bigger priority than anything else. The only marriage proceedings mentioned in the Quran are that of Musa [AS],  finding a girl and getting married to a girl, you know that whole spectrum is captured in the story of Musa [AS]. 


The only thing the father needed to see from Musa [AS] was three things;

 

  1. Girl liked him.

  2. Girl is interested.

  3. He's strong, good character, he can do a job, he can make money, he can defend my family and then he's trustworthy.


When you have these three qualities. Didn't matter financial status, didn't matter none of that. 


What I'm saying is there are sometimes unusual situations and Allah [SWT] mentions them on purpose in the Quran. Because sometimes the marriage is going to be under unusual situations. Not every situation can be ideal and in your family if there's an unusual situation don't sit there and cry why couldn't we have a normal kind of situation. 


That's okay, life is not about normal actually when you dig deep in every family there's no such thing as normal. Every one of us is weird. Every one of us has strange situations in their family. So we have to adapt, we have to be flexible and we have to be merciful to our coming generation. Allowing them to get married in a healthy way and having that open conversation with our sons and with our daughters. 


May Allah [SWT] bless this community with healthy marriages. May Allah [SWT] allow us to do right by our children and our children to do right by their children in raising children on Islam.


[ NARRATIONS FROM BR. NOUMAN ALI KHAN ]


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